I have wonderful group of friends. I am so overwhelmed at this time with the thought of having so many great friends and being so lucky that I am restless:).. what to do what to do.. how am I so lucky. I started opening up my gmail and contacting few whom I have been trying to contact but ended up not doing anything. As usual... Some other time I will write why I say I have so many good(very good) friends.
So leaving the topic of so many good friends aside( still I am happy .. )
I am trying to do many things. And I really want to do so much that I end up doing nothing. Its usual and I know I am not alone. I know few who are worst than me and few who are really god at it and I admire them.
So when I say I want to do so much its two type of things...1) I want to do so much in life and 2)I want to do at this moment. Its not the long term and short term list.
Its just I want to do so much in this short life:)
- I want to travel the whole world
- I want to do charity work and social work. The most satisfying thing for me
- I want to paint soooo much of various styles and categories
- I want to sew so many things I have in my mind
- I want to work in industry and be at a good position. Because I love to work
- I want to party regularly
- I want to have 5 kids or 3. I know its easy to say but no harm dreaming
- I want to live with my family for more time than I do
- I want to live with Mama(granny-in-law) for more time
- I want to get organized
- I want to be much healthier
- I want to shop more often than now
- I want to read more books
and the list goes on...
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Thanks and more...
Thanks for all the messages and supporting comments and emails.
I think I need to improve my writing style. I am realizing that what I want to write and what it ends up into is quite different. Also if you know me personally the meaning gets biases. At the same time I don't want to write based on the readers I know. So its getting tough. In a way good and bad. I am happy overall. I am writing and open to everybody's view point and learning!
So few clarifications for Soul searching is ON I thought of adding this in comment but then decided to create a new post. --
I am not sad but I am bored. Obviously at times everybody is sad but this one time it was more about how we get bored with same old routine. One can be bored even when he/she is working/studying/parenting anytime.. because you need change.
The time spent in CHO, people and overall life at CHO .. everything was fun. I have had a very mobile life and interesting life till now. Friends, acquaintances, relations with people of various ages, backgrounds, cultures, opinions. Once you leave school/coll and you are alone, the world is really-really big. Every new place I move, I miss the previous place... but life goes on...
My current life is pretty good in respect of difficult times(touch wood!). I had few very difficult times in fact worst than recent times and all happens for a reason. We all face ups and downs in life. With time everything gets better but its the restlessness of that moment which kills you. P3 rule, Patience-Positiveness-Perseverance, is the key and its tough.
The groups mentioned were all of same age group(not with kids). I have few very good girlfriends with two kids and still talking to them is fun and interesting. So age group and living style doesn't matter I think.
One should never 'try' to 'fit' in a group of people. It's going to be temporary. If you will mix and merge without any effort that's going to stay longer. Changing schools every 2 years and moving 1000 times, fitting/adjusting is all easy and possible.
So 'where do I fit' is not literally 'fit into group of people'. It's a little different. I am unable to explain clearly. Will be able to do that someday.. may be at 60.. hehe.
I think I need to improve my writing style. I am realizing that what I want to write and what it ends up into is quite different. Also if you know me personally the meaning gets biases. At the same time I don't want to write based on the readers I know. So its getting tough. In a way good and bad. I am happy overall. I am writing and open to everybody's view point and learning!
So few clarifications for Soul searching is ON I thought of adding this in comment but then decided to create a new post. --
I am not sad but I am bored. Obviously at times everybody is sad but this one time it was more about how we get bored with same old routine. One can be bored even when he/she is working/studying/parenting anytime.. because you need change.
The time spent in CHO, people and overall life at CHO .. everything was fun. I have had a very mobile life and interesting life till now. Friends, acquaintances, relations with people of various ages, backgrounds, cultures, opinions. Once you leave school/coll and you are alone, the world is really-really big. Every new place I move, I miss the previous place... but life goes on...
My current life is pretty good in respect of difficult times(touch wood!). I had few very difficult times in fact worst than recent times and all happens for a reason. We all face ups and downs in life. With time everything gets better but its the restlessness of that moment which kills you. P3 rule, Patience-Positiveness-Perseverance, is the key and its tough.
The groups mentioned were all of same age group(not with kids). I have few very good girlfriends with two kids and still talking to them is fun and interesting. So age group and living style doesn't matter I think.
One should never 'try' to 'fit' in a group of people. It's going to be temporary. If you will mix and merge without any effort that's going to stay longer. Changing schools every 2 years and moving 1000 times, fitting/adjusting is all easy and possible.
So 'where do I fit' is not literally 'fit into group of people'. It's a little different. I am unable to explain clearly. Will be able to do that someday.. may be at 60.. hehe.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Today....
I am not bored but angry..
I want to runaway like in the movie "Runaway Bride" :)
Another update: I am no more updating the movie update section in right panel of this blog. I have stopped watching latest movies these days. So no updates. I do watch movie on netflix though.
Happy living!!!
[Update] on Wed Jun 17th
I actually ran away. Phone was switched off and I went for walking and kept doing it for 2 hours. Beautiful houses, mansions infact, flowers and green grass... this place is beautiful in summer. Loving it!
I want to runaway like in the movie "Runaway Bride" :)
Another update: I am no more updating the movie update section in right panel of this blog. I have stopped watching latest movies these days. So no updates. I do watch movie on netflix though.
Happy living!!!
[Update] on Wed Jun 17th
I actually ran away. Phone was switched off and I went for walking and kept doing it for 2 hours. Beautiful houses, mansions infact, flowers and green grass... this place is beautiful in summer. Loving it!
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Soul searching is ON
I am bored upto the core!!!
I had an interview few weeks back. those two weeks were best till now as I was busy and had something to do. I studied day and night and dont know how time went by. I cracked the first interview and failed(looks like) in the second one. The guy didnt like me it seems... Anyway. I realized selling yourself is so difficult even if you are asking half the marked price in return.
After that disappointment and few realizations I came back to my usual routine of checking others blogs, reading useless stuff etc.. I cleaned house, did some sewing chatted with every other person online. Spoke to relatives in India( who are still sane). I didn't actually talk to everybody with whom I love to talk because I do not go and approach others myself..( a bad habit/nature of mine.. am infamous for that) . I read lots of books(lots in my definition). Coming back to the main point. I have nothing to do and am bored.
I am talking to females who are either enjoying their happy married life and enjoy cooking for their family all day and talking to the thousands of relatives on topics like food/latest movies/woman's health etc etc.. eeee.. at times..its boring man.. For how long can you talk about it??? May be I am the one who is odd. OR there are times when I am talking to young blood. Girls/females on new generation. Happy enjoying American culture, style and in a way enjoying everything which makes them fit in America ( I do not know the full story of their end so should not comment more). Its good and I don't mind it as long as I am not supposed to change myself to be with them and they respect my personal style may be unique it is or may be an odd one.. So overall I am trying to find myself. Where am I? Who am I? What am I?
10 years back I used to sob in my room with doors closed as I wanted to go away from my house and see the real world learn lots of things. Not that there was anything wrong at my house. I just wanted to be outside and be myself which was impossible at home with my parents of 1940s. Now I know why my dad used to tell me learn how to make rotis.... till this date I cannot make round-even rotis which is another embarrassment at your in-laws. Though I enjoy cooking and love to cook for everybody but not in a way of impressing relatives/friends as its a competition or exhibition of my womanhood. Again I am distracting from topic... So 10 years back I fought/cried/pleaded that I want to be away from this place you all call home. Somehow with lot of trouble I managed to convince and left home. Happy I was when I was in the real world. Ohh its not good at all. But I was enjoying. Those all alone traveling in state buses of western UP, peer pressure at college (you know what I mean .. there are things other than studying at college) and much not to be mentioned here. Overall it was sweet pain. Every moment I struggled but I knew its the for the good and I am becoming something. By the way nothing worked well.. though I got a personality, street smartness, attitude but I was not a big success in my college. Career wise a failure:) what a shock and hard blow it was. Now what? No job, no hope.. back to home? NOooooooo. I realized getting a job is the most important thing in this world we live in. So lets get a job and to get a job get a degree. It was not such a simple theory I thought a lot and had good reasoning to come to this decision which I wont disclose. I decided to take one more chance and prove myself. By this time I had tried proving myself almost one thousand times and my family was sick of me. They knew she cannot do anything and just want to trouble us. This was the most interesting-painful time:). At this time I had no family support but I was smart. I knew crying like a baby will give me nothing from them. They just don't want to be troubled. I did everything on my own which is almost impossible. Thanks to a bunch of wonderful friends I have. I am always thankful to God for this one thing. Overall it was tough. I can recall I used to have amazing level of energy. Don't know from where did I get it. May be it was my last chance to prove myself. So the plan was, get degree to get a job, be independent and work little. That's all I wanted in my life. Come back and agree to what parents want. Marry the guy they ask me to marry. Simple!
Now landing in the land of opportunities makes things little different. I realized US is not a great place. People when talk to their family back in India never show their sad face and say all the great things about US. OMG its a pathetic place to be. Anyway, now there is no going back. Actually there was no way of going back even if I want to. Somehow I finished school got a job and degree and my plan was successful. Just that the going back to India and marrying part didn't work out the way I thought. My parents were finding guys and wanted me to interview and be interviewed????? I was a rebel again. By this time.. I was too smart or too rude or whatever it is. I troubled them once more and married to the love of my life. Now my family is happy and satisfied as their 1940's style fate of a daughter is a reality. For them she is happily married and I do not trouble them anymore!
Soul searching is still on. Who am I? Where do I fit? What do I want to do in life? and NOW I trouble my husband.
I had an interview few weeks back. those two weeks were best till now as I was busy and had something to do. I studied day and night and dont know how time went by. I cracked the first interview and failed(looks like) in the second one. The guy didnt like me it seems... Anyway. I realized selling yourself is so difficult even if you are asking half the marked price in return.
After that disappointment and few realizations I came back to my usual routine of checking others blogs, reading useless stuff etc.. I cleaned house, did some sewing chatted with every other person online. Spoke to relatives in India( who are still sane). I didn't actually talk to everybody with whom I love to talk because I do not go and approach others myself..( a bad habit/nature of mine.. am infamous for that) . I read lots of books(lots in my definition). Coming back to the main point. I have nothing to do and am bored.
I am talking to females who are either enjoying their happy married life and enjoy cooking for their family all day and talking to the thousands of relatives on topics like food/latest movies/woman's health etc etc.. eeee.. at times..its boring man.. For how long can you talk about it??? May be I am the one who is odd. OR there are times when I am talking to young blood. Girls/females on new generation. Happy enjoying American culture, style and in a way enjoying everything which makes them fit in America ( I do not know the full story of their end so should not comment more). Its good and I don't mind it as long as I am not supposed to change myself to be with them and they respect my personal style may be unique it is or may be an odd one.. So overall I am trying to find myself. Where am I? Who am I? What am I?
10 years back I used to sob in my room with doors closed as I wanted to go away from my house and see the real world learn lots of things. Not that there was anything wrong at my house. I just wanted to be outside and be myself which was impossible at home with my parents of 1940s. Now I know why my dad used to tell me learn how to make rotis.... till this date I cannot make round-even rotis which is another embarrassment at your in-laws. Though I enjoy cooking and love to cook for everybody but not in a way of impressing relatives/friends as its a competition or exhibition of my womanhood. Again I am distracting from topic... So 10 years back I fought/cried/pleaded that I want to be away from this place you all call home. Somehow with lot of trouble I managed to convince and left home. Happy I was when I was in the real world. Ohh its not good at all. But I was enjoying. Those all alone traveling in state buses of western UP, peer pressure at college (you know what I mean .. there are things other than studying at college) and much not to be mentioned here. Overall it was sweet pain. Every moment I struggled but I knew its the for the good and I am becoming something. By the way nothing worked well.. though I got a personality, street smartness, attitude but I was not a big success in my college. Career wise a failure:) what a shock and hard blow it was. Now what? No job, no hope.. back to home? NOooooooo. I realized getting a job is the most important thing in this world we live in. So lets get a job and to get a job get a degree. It was not such a simple theory I thought a lot and had good reasoning to come to this decision which I wont disclose. I decided to take one more chance and prove myself. By this time I had tried proving myself almost one thousand times and my family was sick of me. They knew she cannot do anything and just want to trouble us. This was the most interesting-painful time:). At this time I had no family support but I was smart. I knew crying like a baby will give me nothing from them. They just don't want to be troubled. I did everything on my own which is almost impossible. Thanks to a bunch of wonderful friends I have. I am always thankful to God for this one thing. Overall it was tough. I can recall I used to have amazing level of energy. Don't know from where did I get it. May be it was my last chance to prove myself. So the plan was, get degree to get a job, be independent and work little. That's all I wanted in my life. Come back and agree to what parents want. Marry the guy they ask me to marry. Simple!
Now landing in the land of opportunities makes things little different. I realized US is not a great place. People when talk to their family back in India never show their sad face and say all the great things about US. OMG its a pathetic place to be. Anyway, now there is no going back. Actually there was no way of going back even if I want to. Somehow I finished school got a job and degree and my plan was successful. Just that the going back to India and marrying part didn't work out the way I thought. My parents were finding guys and wanted me to interview and be interviewed????? I was a rebel again. By this time.. I was too smart or too rude or whatever it is. I troubled them once more and married to the love of my life. Now my family is happy and satisfied as their 1940's style fate of a daughter is a reality. For them she is happily married and I do not trouble them anymore!
Soul searching is still on. Who am I? Where do I fit? What do I want to do in life? and NOW I trouble my husband.
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