So much to do.. [Revisited]

2009 was an interesting year for me. Last year a part of me screwed up completely and a part of me was rejuvenated... I was free most of the year. I spent as much time as I can on things I wanted to do. But I am lazy:). Looking back at the list, in some way, I covered half of the list.

- I want to travel the whole world
---- I tried to visit one place every month. Not all over the world but small places nearby

- I want to do charity work and social work. The most satisfying thing for me
---- I always wish doing it. In 2009 I was at the receiving end in terms of help/favors/charity. I realized if I am having so much problem in just getting my resume forwarded. Its impossible for people in real need to get any help. This is sad! We all have become so self oriented and talking/discussing/thinking about our own problems/happiness that helping is extinct now. (I can think of only 2 people I know doing social service...May be I don't know. People secretly do some social/charity work? why would they broadcast it... anyway just thinking...)

- I want to paint soooo much of various styles and categories
---- Tried but not much luck till now

- I want to sew so many things I have in my mind
---- I ended up with bedroom curtains and a DIY bath rug(a disaster!!!)

- I want to work in industry and be at a good position. Because I love to work
---- No comments

- I want to party regularly
---- This one was done fairly well considering the circumstances

- I want to have 5 kids or 3. I know its easy to say but no harm dreaming
---- No chance. I have realized my life is already quite adventurous. Cant add more to it! We are happy the way we are

- I want to live with my family for more time than I do
---- One thing I was able to do in 2009. Happy about it

- I want to live with Mama(granny-in-law) for more time
---- Yay!!! Did it. It was so much satisfying

- I want to get organized
---- Doing good. My house looks like home. Considering constant moving and shifting I am doing good

- I want to be much healthier
---- I am on the right track. Not yet there!

- I want to shop more often than now
---- hmm.. in 2010

- I want to read more books
---- Ohh I did. The only thing I did was going to library and reading something or the other.. I would add watching movies

I use "I" that doesn't mean I was alone. I should have used 'we' in various places, without Mr. Husband nothing is possible.

On second thoughts, I think the wish list was stupid and kiddish. Or it was not realistically planned. Lets work on 2010, wish list and resolutions!!!

A Very Happy New Year to all... May all your wishes come true and 2010 lets you follow your dreams and resolution forever!!!

So much to do ...

I have wonderful group of friends. I am so overwhelmed at this time with the thought of having so many great friends and being so lucky that I am restless:).. what to do what to do.. how am I so lucky. I started opening up my gmail and contacting few whom I have been trying to contact but ended up not doing anything. As usual... Some other time I will write why I say I have so many good(very good) friends.

So leaving the topic of so many good friends aside( still I am happy .. )

I am trying to do many things. And I really want to do so much that I end up doing nothing. Its usual and I know I am not alone. I know few who are worst than me and few who are really god at it and I admire them.

So when I say I want to do so much its two type of things...1) I want to do so much in life and 2)I want to do at this moment. Its not the long term and short term list.

Its just I want to do so much in this short life:)

- I want to travel the whole world
- I want to do charity work and social work. The most satisfying thing for me
- I want to paint soooo much of various styles and categories
- I want to sew so many things I have in my mind
- I want to work in industry and be at a good position. Because I love to work
- I want to party regularly
- I want to have 5 kids or 3. I know its easy to say but no harm dreaming
- I want to live with my family for more time than I do
- I want to live with Mama(granny-in-law) for more time
- I want to get organized
- I want to be much healthier
- I want to shop more often than now
- I want to read more books

and the list goes on...

Thanks and more...

Thanks for all the messages and supporting comments and emails.

I think I need to improve my writing style. I am realizing that what I want to write and what it ends up into is quite different. Also if you know me personally the meaning gets biases. At the same time I don't want to write based on the readers I know. So its getting tough. In a way good and bad. I am happy overall. I am writing and open to everybody's view point and learning!

So few clarifications for Soul searching is ON I thought of adding this in comment but then decided to create a new post. --
I am not sad but I am bored. Obviously at times everybody is sad but this one time it was more about how we get bored with same old routine. One can be bored even when he/she is working/studying/parenting anytime.. because you need change.

The time spent in CHO, people and overall life at CHO .. everything was fun. I have had a very mobile life and interesting life till now. Friends, acquaintances, relations with people of various ages, backgrounds, cultures, opinions. Once you leave school/coll and you are alone, the world is really-really big. Every new place I move, I miss the previous place... but life goes on...

My current life is pretty good in respect of difficult times(touch wood!). I had few very difficult times in fact worst than recent times and all happens for a reason. We all face ups and downs in life. With time everything gets better but its the restlessness of that moment which kills you. P3 rule, Patience-Positiveness-Perseverance, is the key and its tough.

The groups mentioned were all of same age group(not with kids). I have few very good girlfriends with two kids and still talking to them is fun and interesting. So age group and living style doesn't matter I think.

One should never 'try' to 'fit' in a group of people. It's going to be temporary. If you will mix and merge without any effort that's going to stay longer. Changing schools every 2 years and moving 1000 times, fitting/adjusting is all easy and possible.

So 'where do I fit' is not literally 'fit into group of people'. It's a little different. I am unable to explain clearly. Will be able to do that someday.. may be at 60.. hehe.

Here's to all 'going to be a MOM' this year!

Is it something in the air or what! Every other friend of mine is expecting. I am very happy for all of you and Congratulations along with a big hug.

I think every other month we have at least one friend who is going to deliver a baby. Wow 2009 is the year of 2 becoming 3:)

Good luck to all of you with the new life and a new world too!

I love kids and enjoy being with kids. Yea.. also get tired when I have to play with them for as long as they want it. Just like every Indian wedding I also hear from our elders about taking the giant leap and join the world of threesome. Exactly the way we were poked and poked and poked till we finally gave in and got married just from there point of view. I still believe getting married is not a great idea. I would love to live the way I live without getting married. I strongly believe we should have been told/taught when we were kids the pros and cons of wedding, early wedding and late wedding ( I mean legally early). We should have been explained the consequences of having establishing a successful career early in life or late in life. Consequences of earning more degrees vs being in a job. Time frame which should be devoted to any one of the two. Why are we never given such words of wisdom in our society? Isn't it more important than saying Namaste to each and every person you meet on a daily basis. Or not arguing to elders on anything just because they are elders. howsoever wrong they might be. And very strongly believe all this is a must for girls in India. Life for a girl in India is hell! being nice goes against you and being not so nice no doubt always goes against you.

Anyway, I should not get distracted from the topic. So yes I am highly impressed and I respect all the moms to be for experiencing the most important and beautiful part of our existence. One big reason for my love for you and respect is that ..... confession time!.... I am toooo scared with the thought of getting pregnant and delivering a baby and taking care of a baby. I mean nine months! And if I sustain and take care of everything in those 9 months. After that? A baby in your life. I have been working hard in the last almost 10 years(and before also) to shape up my own life which is not working out the way I prefer it to be Or at least a stable one. How can I be sure I will be able to take care of a baby and provide all the good things, happiness, support and everything the best to a beautiful life. Which I really really want to provide. Buhuhu.. its scary!

May be I am not the only one, there must be more like me. But people usually don't talk about such topics.

I think for all of us late 70s and early 80s born, next decade will be all about kids! Just like the way last decade was all about career and wedding......

Thoughts/comments just pour in.. every word is appreciated. On top of that, I am in a new city, new home, jobless, friends-less .. so every thought and idea counts:)

I have a hopeless Hope !

Title of the post says everything I have to say!

I think human species exist on hope. So I am not new. I want to know if everybody out there is living with some hope or its just few emotional creatures like me. Or may be some people have more than a hope. mmm .. may be they know for sure. I would call that also a hope. Just being confident about your hope wont change it to present:)

Just realized that since childhood I always had 'hopeful' hope. In the past few years its becoming 'hopeless' hope.

Here is what I remember on 'HOPE' from one of my favorite movies The Shawshank Redemption

• Red: Let me tell you something my friend. Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.
  .....
  
• Andy Dufresne: [in letter to Red] Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.
  .....
  
• [last lines]
  Red: [narrating] I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.
  

What kind of hope do you have? If any?

Phases of life...

Whenever in my life I have been on any kind of break or in a transition phase. I have been awake all night (like 6 or 7 or more..of coarse AM) and then will sleep when ray of sunlight is peeping through the window of my room. With a sigh I say, "Its high time I sleep now". Slowly I will hear people getting up preparing for the day. I will hear kids gathering for school bus and noise of racing cars to reach at work on time etc.. Ultimately I will sleep thinking what a loser I am. Later how the following day is also ruined is another long story.

Coming back to those phases. During those nights there is one good friend of yours who gives you company and that is a 'Television'. Who invented such an amazing thing! Yes, I should add 'internet' too. However, TV has its own charm(you can be as lazy as possible..don't even need to move your fingers.. hehe)

So these are the times when I have seen maximum amount of movies, explored new programs, learnt new things, made few very good friends and more...

I wanted to share a movie I watched yesterday. Now I think I will need another post for that. Right now, getting distracted by Australian open men's singles final and by Roger Federer :)

Bawri Baatein by Bawra Mann

It was winter of 2005 when I was watching Hazaaron khwahishein aisi. Of course movie was good but I was struck my the slow song which was playing at the end of movie "bawra mann dekhne chala ek sapna...". Since then it is one of my favorite songs. For a long time I named my laptop 'Bawra Mann'. Now I am starting this new blog where I would be collecting all the random thoughts or information so the name: Bawri Baatein by Bawra Mann as in 'bawre se mann ki dekho bawri hain baatein,'.

Let me see how it goes. I do not have anything specific planned for this blog. I can easily put all my cribbing, disappointments and frustrations here but then what would I do when I am with my better half:)

Let me know if anybody has any suggestions.

Keep browsing!